Being silent is wonderful and not difficult at all. When you’re alone, that is. The challenge starts when people around you expect you to actually respond and participate in conversations. Work is not ideal, either. I work with teenagers with various personality disorders and if I suddenly just keeps quiet, they’re going to freak out – literally – and it will be messy. Grocery shopping is doable. I guess I don’t come across as super polite but I smile and nod and hope the cashier is feeling my silent appreciation.
I’m trying to stay conscious of why I don’t feel like talking. Or listening. Mostly I just feel content being in my own bubble, silently communicating with life around me. Actual people not so much included. But in all honesty, there’s also a trace of simply not seeing the point anymore. Not recognizing the relevanse of what I or anyone else could possibly have to say. Who cares? We can talk all we want, it doesn’t change anything. It’s just words. I’m pretty sure this is just a phase. I mean, it must be. However, I’m also pretty sure that the trace is expanding and it does look suspiciously like the intro to what could be a genuine loss of meaning.
Well, before I declare myself depressed I will continue to embrace the silence and let this process progress.
– but probably not give in to the urge of selling all my stuff and relocating to a secluded beach hut..