an image frozen
ripping through silence
itching a memory
.. and then there are quiet days ..
.. when you look out at the world around you ..
.. from a peaceful world within ..
Being silent is wonderful and not difficult at all. When you’re alone, that is. The challenge starts when people around you expect you to actually respond and participate in conversations. Work is not ideal, either. I work with teenagers with various personality disorders and if I suddenly just keeps quiet, they’re going to freak out – literally – and it will be messy. Grocery shopping is doable. I guess I don’t come across as super polite but I smile and nod and hope the cashier is feeling my silent appreciation.
I’m trying to stay conscious of why I don’t feel like talking. Or listening. Mostly I just feel content being in my own bubble, silently communicating with life around me. Actual people not so much included. But in all honesty, there’s also a trace of simply not seeing the point anymore. Not recognizing the relevanse of what I or anyone else could possibly have to say. Who cares? We can talk all we want, it doesn’t change anything. It’s just words. I’m pretty sure this is just a phase. I mean, it must be. However, I’m also pretty sure that the trace is expanding and it does look suspiciously like the intro to what could be a genuine loss of meaning.
Well, before I declare myself depressed I will continue to embrace the silence and let this process progress.
– but probably not give in to the urge of selling all my stuff and relocating to a secluded beach hut..
i wanted to write something about how I lately have desired silence. something about experiencing life in a free flow. something about being. and being quiet. something about reflecting instead of thinking. i deleted it all. i wonder how long this will last..
life is full of sound but underneath it all and in between it all there’s silence.