So, I’m still reading. Today not so much though, since a weird phenomenon has occurred; it feels like something has started spinning in my head. Like literally spinning at high-speed right at the core of my brain. Honestly, it’s a little inconvenient because what I can best describe as the centrifugal force is making me very dizzy, sometimes to the point of actually having to hold on to something not to tilt. Even when I’m already lying down. All day I’ve been pondering this new experience and so far I’ve formed two working theories to guide my further exploration; brain tumor or enlightenment. Possibly both.
Yesterday I finally got started on A Thousand Plateaus by Deleuze and Guattari and I’ve been able to continue for short periods today. That book is brilliant and I’m challenged, inspired, confused, and completely in love.
This is from the very beginning of it:
“… Since each of us was several, there was already quite a crowd. Here we have made use of everything that came within range, what was closest as well as farthest away. We have assigned clever pseudonyms to prevent recognition. Why have we kept our own names? Out of habit, purely out of habit. To make ourselves unrecognizable in turn. To render imperceptible, not ourselves, but what makes us act, feel, and think. Also because it’s nice to talk like everybody else, to say the sun rises, when everybody knows it’s only a manner of speaking. To reach, not the point where one no longer says I, but the point where it is no longer of any importance whether one says I. We are no longer ourselves. Each will know his own. We have been aided, inspired, multiplied.”
There are plenty of their thoughts that I’m not yet able to fully grasp but still enough for me to grow wings and take off into a reality where being is just an attempt to freeze the constant dynamics of becoming.
So although the dizziness has prevented me from dancing today, the book has enabled me to fly – I think that’s an acceptable trade-off.
he is no longer you
and you are no longer just one
but an expanding reflection
of what was once perceived
to be just him
every movement is followed by an echo of sadness
so i move slowly
carefully placing one foot
in front of the other
I am Love
dressed in a soul
traveling in a human body
sometimes confusing myself
with being a human
it can be scary
exploring new territory
displaying imperfect humanity
letting life unfold
embracing the unknown
it’s all so very
scary and necessary
sometimes on a happy day
a single bubble of buried resentment
rise to the surface
releasing an echo of beautiful words
by ignorant actions
until the only word left important
sometimes on a happy day
I let go once again
and enjoy my freedom
Still in the spirit of change – and becoming aware of what you need to change in your life in order to be happy – I stumbled across this quote from Deepak Chopra.
I think one of your biggest obstacles when it comes to growing and changing is the nasty power of habits. Okay, there are a few good habits as well. Like washing your hands when you’ve been to the bathroom, that’s a good one. Or looking both ways before crossing the street, that’s another very valuable one. But habits in the sense of just blindly going through your day on autopilot – yuck!
“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way,
ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”
Breaking a habit might not be the easiest thing to do but when you succeed or even just realize the potential affect it could have on your life, it’s so worth it.
(this is where I would do a little twirl while singing something about sweet freedom and rainbows.. but that would totally ruin the seriousness of this post.)
Life is hard and sometimes it feels unfair and people will inevitably suck (huge hairy monkey balls) on a regular basis. That’s just the way it is – but it’s not all it is.
It’s a chance to let the world be a mirror reflecting how you choose to live. A chance to adjust an assumption. To straighten out an insecurity or pull back a judgement. Or maybe just relax and admire what you see, in which case, good for you.
It’s a constant balance of navigating between other’s projections and your own blind spots, learning to decipher what your heart is telling you and accept that sometimes there’s no easy solution.
And it’s a wonderful mystery where everything you need is provided with perfect synchronicity and all you have to do is find the courage to accept it and be you.
Easy breezy monkey balls..
challenging the limits
pushing back the horizon
standing on my toes
deepening my understanding
expanding the world
persistently creating more space